I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and a kiss
and call you back for one more..
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word
so I could play them back day after day..
if I knew it would be the last time
I'd could spare any extra minute,
to stop and say" I love you"
instead of assuming you would know I do..
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away..
For surely there's always tomorrow,
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right..
There will always be another day to say
"I love you", and certainly there's another chance
to say our "anything I can do"?
But just in case I might be wrong
and today is all I get
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget..
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone
young or old a like
and today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight..
so. if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
for if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day
so. hold your loved ones close today
and whisper in their ear,
tell them how much you loved them
and that you'll always hold them dear..
Take time to say" I'm sorry",
"please forgive me", "thank you", or "it's ok"
and if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today!
Always thought your
promise was for life.
I did not think that I
would hear you say goodbye.
And I always heard you
led another life.
I doubted every time.
I guess my love was
Because in my eyes
love was always
But the feeling is so
And all I know is in
the thing that I want
I can't posses.
There's only emptiness.
Why do people lie,
They are pretending,
they say they love you,
but faking it all.
Thanks for everything
you taught me
Thanks for speaking my mind freely
Thanks for listening to what I've to say
Thanks for getting me through another day
Thanks for supporting me
Thanks for loving me
Thanks for lending me a hand
Thanks for being my friend
Thanks for your honesty
Thanks for letting me show the deepest part of me
Thanks for letting me know you will be there
Thanks for letting me know that you care
Thanks for the time we've spent
Thanks for the things you've said
Thanks for believing in me
Thanks for the cups of tea
Thanks for your patience
Thanks for our phone-conversations
Thanks for the music in my heart
Thanks for giving me a fresh start
Thanks for seeing me through
Thanks for saying I love you
Thanks for learning my boy to drink from a straw
Thanks for putting my feet back on the floor
Thanks for the necklace you gave to me, it means a lot to me
Thanks for the secrets you save for me
Thanks for your advice
Thanks for melting my ice
Thanks for letting me go
Thanks for letting me flow
Thanks for learning me to relax
Thanks for having great sex
Thanks for crying in your arms
Thanks for giving me shelter in your warmth
Thanks for the places we've been
Thanks for the things we've seen
Thanks for giving me inspiration
Thanks for your dissuasion
Thanks for your shoulder to lean on
Thanks for bringing me "home"
Thanks for your clarity
Thanks for your objectivity
Thanks for some of my dreams
Thanks for some of my fantasies
Thanks for your hugs and kisses
Thanks for opening on to some of my wishes
Thanks for sharing my thought with you
Thanks for the things we do
Thanks for reading my minds eye
Thanks for not telling me a lie
Thanks for understanding me
Thanks for not hurting me
Thanks for the butterfly's
Thanks for making me high
Thanks for the memories we have
Thanks for the laughs
Thanks for crossing my path
Thanks for your love
Thanks for whatever the future brings
Thanks for not putting me on strings
Thanks for making me bloom
Thanks for getting me over the moon
Thanks for letting me into your life
Thanks for not taking the dive
Thanks for being a light
Thanks for anything I forgot to write
Thanks for your trust
Thank you so much
Is it because they
a word of what we say
That thousands of people had to pay
What has become of the word humanity
Or is his meaning already lost and gone
in some other crazy reality
There are really two
sides of you ...
the you that people expect you to be
and the you that you really are.
For so long I
have lived in a misery, hit the bottom of the sea
That is how I felt all of the time, until you chose and set me
Living into a bottomless pit, experiencing the meaning of being down
You should have treated me like your queen, instead you stole my crown
Time was ticking, pain was increasing, I denied to see my fears
Your arrow flew right into my heart, ripped it apart and burst out in
But now a days I learned to accept the truth, learned to open up my eyes
I notified I'm getting stronger in this fight, amazing as it is the pain
You had the key to open up my door, sounds strange but that's where it
For that I can never thank you enough because baby, you gave me a pair
Lost a very special
person in my life again, an other lesson learned
Maybe its better for me to change my strategies or else I will get
I already expected this pain would return and now its confirmed
In my mind I cant handle the struggles, maybe its better to give in
All I ever wanted was somebody to share my feelings, to give my loving
Just like everybody else I just want to be kept warm or is that a sin?
Over and over I keep on wondering where I went wrong
Or was this lesson for me meant to be all along
I just know you've turned your back on me and you're gone
There's nothing I can do about it, just sitting here crying thru the dawn
Just tell me what to do, I swear I will do my very best
It wasn't because of all the money, not even about the sex
I don't want to see how this wonderful fairytale ends
My conscious dumped me in the cold, ain't got nothing left but regrets
Sometimes you just have
to let out the pain inside
At night when your anger and fears arrives
Don't you doubt a second to let it out and cry
When you accomplish your mission and you realize
That you never even thought you could have so much pride
You'd get down on your knees & thank God, because you got nothing to
But for now the road seems so long to return back at home
Always keep the faith in the Lord, when you think you're all alone
At that moment Hell be there for you when things goes wrong
If you think that you are at the end, He remembers you to hang on
From now of on I'm trying to catch this flight heading that warm place
But it is not as easy as you have read, because there are several ways
So every now and then, I take some time for the Lord and say my grace
I am sensing this great power, and I just wait for this glorious day
I m here again
the moment 's over again
it will be a long time
we will ever share another
GOD, it was great
the way I had been
of it for so long
knew 2 days
ever make me so happy
it was not
that made me feel
very special someone
we re apart again
nothing but the web
does she do it?
looking back on great times
trying to live it over and over again
do you move on
I want is to go back
to the wonderful dream
If you ever find your
don't let her disappear,
don't let her fly away
I'm lying on my back,
when I look up I see stars.
I see one of them fall,
a wish comes next.
Will it come out or won't it,
who can say.
Still lying there as a dead body,
not moving a muscle.
I see the moon fade away slowly,
the stars are left alone.
Another star falls,
to reach infinite fall of heaven.
At that moment I close my eyes,
to never open them again.
I'm looking to the moon,
time stands still.
I can't make a move,
When I try to move,
I feel pain deep inside.
I try to get it out,
but I failed myself.
Is this the end of the beginning.
Can't you see.
Heaven is a lie.
I'm going to die.
Set me free.
Heaven is a lie.
I don't want to die.
Don't you feel.
Heaven is a lie.
I won't kneel.
I rather die.
Eternal is not the moon
That shines over me at night
Eternal are not the stars
That twinkle next to it so bright
Eternal is not the wind
That blows softly in my face
Eternal is not the sun
Eternal wont be anything or place
But if nothing is eternal
If it's just a stupid lie
Than why can I still not understand
That sometimes, we have to say goodbye
My love hides secrets
Secrets from me
Little does he know...
Those secrets I've seen
Acts of betrayal
My heart does weep
Trust now tethered
Encrypted and discrete
Burned by deception
I dare not say...
He tries to speak...
He hides secrets
Secrets from me
Smooth come back
But bruised belief.
What are we really
But flesh and bones
Nothing more or less
But still we want to be more
Why this drive to become gods
Is that really what we want
Isn't living and dying enough
Why spend eternity doing nothing
But helping ourselves
Than one lifetime
Of making a difference
To some one else
Do we even deserve to exist
If we live for our ego's
Why do we exist
If not to make a difference
Or at least show we care
Not about us, but someone else
Destined to always be alone
I dream of a girl to love
But reality is not so kind
If love can only exist in your mind
So you struggle to change your fate
But all you get in return is hate
No one cares how you're feeling inside
So you stay hidden in the night
Where no one knows who you are
Or asks how you've sunk this far
But still I dream of a better time
When people don't consider me slime
A time after this curse has gone
And I can finally love someone
Yearning to be loved
Yearning to feel
It's all pointless
If it isn't real
You've got nothing to share
This path leads nowhere
Unable to feel
Unable to care
Why do I fight
If no one is there
Why should I care
I've got nothing to lose
Forced to take a path
Because I couldn't choose
Empty and alone
That's all I know
Nothing inside telling me what I am
Nothing showing me what I could be
Just a void in an endless life
A blank page in a written book
It acts just like a black hole
Sucking up everything I know
Always leaving me empty and alone
Never leaving me stuff to know
Not letting me live for a goal
Not letting me get to know my soul
Always unknowing who I am
Never becoming what I could be
Unloved and unseen by the world
All I am is alone
With no one to care for
My heart turns to stone
Not a tear or a word
Can explain how I feel
All I really know is that
My heart is impenetrable like steel
With nothing to feel
But loneliness and pain
It's no wonder
That a man will go insane
in darkness trapped in light
Living in darkness trapped in light
Walking in an endless night
Struggling to hold on
The dark keeps me strong
The light burns me away
My will pushing me on another day
Trapped between two lives
One of happiness, the other one of strife
Stuck in a painful situation
Awaiting my overdue salvation
An endless fight to believe
I will one day be released of all this grief
With only hope to fuel my escape
I fear I'll be squashed like a grape
No one who believes I'll make it out
For some reason I have no doubt
A new day is coming for me
Giving me the power to be
I'll break my confining chains
I WILL release myself from these pains
With my freedom returned to me
It's only faith that set you free
Tormented by my past
I walk my path alone
An endless road of pain
Leading me from all that's known
Taking me into a night so dark
Swallowed by an unholy force
I face a world by myself
Filled with only anger and hate
No one can feel my pain
Nor can they understand why
Sometimes your feelings die
So with nothing to share
But my undying pain
Should I care about them
They should feel the pain
Like only I have felt it
Losing your humanity
It only shows one thing
If pain has a face
I'm sure it is mine
is pain ?
Each passing day brings love and hatred
We will love, hate, judge, and rergret things
And sometimes it's just to painful to endure
So we punish ourselves and others by bringing negativity
There are so many ways in life we find to enforce it
Some people know how to validate their feelings
And understand respecitively how to treat others
There are those who have anxiety and act differently
They will enforce pain on themselves for mistakes they have made
In reality is unrealistic in another persons eye
They dont know how to deal with pain and understand their feelings
So they turn on themselves and rely on food to release their emotions
Some binge and binge and feel guilty afterwards
But do nothing to control their weight so they gain
They are not happy but now food dependency is uncontrollable
There are people who purge food to rid their body of excess particles
The guilt sends them on their knees and enduce vomiting
They feel better and have no shame
But in reality they are unhappy and ashamed
Their brain takes over and tells them when their next cycle will be
It may be for release of pressure, anxiety
Or how now its consistant in their life and unvoluntary
Its automatic and it comes up evey meal
People start to notice the symptons and the effects it's taking
And they are nieve and afraid that someone they love
Are enforcing pain and now its out of control
I'm seeing a bird flying
in the sky
I look at him
It's a pigeon....a white one
A bird just like a married couple
So happy so peaceful
I want to be with him
For the rest of my life
And flying over the world
That bird makes me so happy
My little elf.
Don't look sad,
your pretty face wasn't made for that,
Walk the waters like once before.
Don't hold greef anymore.
Your blue eyes,
sparkle with pride.
Why do you keep turning them aside?
You stare in the shadow,
in the dark of the night.
You know it ain't right.
You are drawn to the worst.
You step in the deep,
Now your eyes are staring,
never able to blink again.
My little elf,
Took the wrong turn.
Love what you have,
want no more
Some days are cloudy
and it seems as if the rain is
chasing all your dreams away
While other days are
bright and sunny
making you feel as though the feats
you can accomplish are many
On this particular day
I have but
one wish coming your way.....
I hope you have a wonderfully nice day!
wish I could.....
I wish I could
high in the blue sky. Between
the birds, where nothing hurts.
So I can touch the stars
at night, so I can sit with angels side by side. and
bring peace in every hart that needs to learn, and
let bad things that ever happen burn.
is like a cardgame
Life is like a Cardgame!
You get dealt a Hand and you play this hand the best you can. Either you
win or you Lose, it doesn't matter because you always know that there
will be a next Hand.
want to run away...
won't to know the truth,
want to know the answers,
want to close the door,
open up my mind!!!
never say I love you if you really don't care
talk about feelings if they aren't really there
hold my hand if you are going to break my heart
say you are going to if you don't plan to start
look into my eyes if all you do is lie
say hello if you really mean good bye
you really mean forever
say you will try to never say forever
forever makes cry !
in the mood
I'm in the mood.
When I see your name on the screen,
I feel so good.
We share our feelings,
And we make fun.
When I'm in a dip, I think of you and see the sun.
All I believe in is
In this world of trouble,
I'm not afraid.
There are things you can never know,
you are just like someone else,
in this world below.
War and outrages, that's what's happen now
Is everybody happy now?!
With war and outrages you can not solve something!
But still I'm not afraid,
in this world of trouble.
All I believe in is FAITH!!
of the Soul
Though Morning is still
The Goddess wakes and starts to weep
Her tears disturb thee, Mirror deep
As I gaze into thee
But wrinkles make it hard to see
And only stars reflect in thee
But somewhere in there needs to be
The hidden side of me
I spent a day at Mirror kneeled
But still thou kept my soul concealed
Which without thee cannot be healed
Therefore I start my plea
Oh Mirror deep I want for me
To find my true identity
So show me what I cannot see
The girl inside of me
For somehow I feel not complete
A stranger to myself indeed
To find my soul is what I need
To be able to be
The glinting surface then revealed
What always had been well concealed
And Mirror's words removed the shield
That hid the inner me
Oh creature, thou shall not in me
But in thyself find clarity
Turn to thy heart and set it free
Just open up and see
A change in me, a changing breeze
A whisper lingers in the trees
The Goddess' tears now find their peace
A new tranquility
As if I woke from hazy dreams
Outside and in me dawn it seems
The sun enlightens with its beams
The answer: I am me
of the lost souls
With memories of years
She goes her way looking at things that she should ignore
Eyes of tragedy
Scared of the things that are yet to come
Searching for the safety, looking for the promise
Reaching out for love and comfort
Dreaming of Death, wishing to fade away
She is the queen of the lost souls
She is the mother of all sorrows
Wife of the lonely tears
Sister of the broken heart
She wants to fly away
She awakens in a night of darkness
Her white eyes shining in the silky moonlight
Her tears glittering like diamonds on her soft skin
Her hunger for passing will never be answered
For she is the queen of the lost souls
She wants to suffer no more
desires to be one with Mother Earth
With grace she'll throw herself off a cliff
Or drown in a sea of silent fantasy
But she will never rest
'cause she is the queen of the lost souls
and forever she will be!
in my backbone
It seems so easy
beginning with an end
How could you expect me to turn into a friend
I can feel a strange feeling down my spine
When I think of the thought that you're not mine
Maybe it is just the way it should be
Although it doesn't seems like that to me
I just wished I'd wake up from this nightmare
It really tears me apart but I don't think you'd care
I can't believe you packed your bags and you're gone
My bed is turning into a fridge, while it shivers in my backbone
I'm running thru a
field full of daisy's in the grass
Fresh air against my face, seeing things from the past
The harder I run across the field, the more lost I seem to be
The further I run, the more I'm getting nowhere or maybe it is just me
I am running with the maximum speed without a goal
While my deepest thoughts are flowing from mind to soul
I want to run until I catch up with the orange horizon
So now I've got to watch out for the obstacles to come
I refuse to look backwards it would just hold me up
So I keep on running towards the nowhere, to find my luck
another ordinary day
Every day we wake up
and live our lives
And each second of a minute a person dies
Still we don't stand still by the things we do
Can someone tell me why we go, I don't have a clue
Our Lord is the One who points out when to go
And when the time comes our body leaves our soul
I hope I can say without a doubt that I have passed my exam
And Vie showed my beloved ones how to pass them
Every day for us is just another ordinary day
But maybe tomorrow Imp not standing here but imp far away
I finally came to realize, that you're no longer mine
That it won't be me, on who you will be spending your time
I thought I was prepared, but I guess I was wrong,
I'm struggling with my feelings, but I have to be strong.
You and your girlfriend..strange because she isn't me.
Confused because I don't even know if I want to be.
Time will heal my wounds, at least, that's what they say.
So I'll wait for time to go by, soon, I'll be ok.
One dark night she ran
Over the hills, she didn't want to stay
She ran from the pain, from the tears in her heart
The tears that she cried because her love fell apart
An impossible love, but she could not accept.
Now she is drowning in the dark pool of death.
Swimming and crying but there is no other side
She's looking and searching for someone to be her guide
Drowning and praying for some kind of cure
She keeps thinking about the one that once loved her
But he's far away and will never know
And she'll never tell, 'cause she's afraid to show
She falls asleep in the arms of Death, with His silent kiss
he takes her final breath.
Now she's in heaven, but she still remembers the pain
The pain that left a scar on her soul, that
one dark night in the rain
She is the One who is
there for your sorrow
She is the One who you can count on for tomorrow
When you are afraid to cry out your tears
She'll be the One who leers you to strengthen up against your fears
She is the One who holds your hand tight when your in pain
She is the One who symbolizes your umbrella in the rain
When you are all alone standing in the dark
She'll be the One who tell you things that lightens up your heart
She is the One who learns you how roll
She is the One who feeds your inner soul
When you are out of inspiracy
She'll be the One to open your eyes and see all the other opportunities
The word she is so wonderfully
So pure, this can't be nothing else then feminity
On her all of our lives rely
She is so peacefully as a butterfly.
As I'm standing in a
forest that's captured by the moonlight,
trying to find my way out.
Running and running,
surrounded by darkness as all lights are fading away.
Strange voices and sounds around me,
walking around scared and helpless.
I trip over a tree-trunk,
my head smacked against the ground.
My eyes notice a light,
it is a bright white shining.
I'm trying to open my eyes but I fail,
eternal sleep has come.
An angel has glory and grace.
She is stronger than the human race.
But what shall I do?
Do I look like an angel to you?
Even when I’m fallen down?
And I’m knowing in this town?
I know it's late
But I have to tell you how I feel
I know I love you but I hurt you as well
I toughed I was in love with an other gay
I toughed I couldn't live without him
But I was mistaking
Since I looked in your eyes
Everything is going wrong
I just think about you every hour of the day
And miss you more every minute
I spent apart of you
I toughed I knew what I wanted
But than you came around
And turn the world upside down
Since I took a look in your eyes
I'm floating on the rhythm of love
Since I know you, my life has turned around
I feel now what I should have felt a long time ago
Now I know there 's hope
Hope to life, to love and hope for a return.
Just a Girl
My desires flow freely
Letting me now what I want
Showing me things
That are important to me
But what I need most
Is never revealed to me
It lingers in the shadow
Waiting for your light
To set me free
But for now
I must wait and see
What fate has in store for me
It is not love or happiness
Just pain and despair
Tormented by everything I see
All this happiness and love
It just really sickens me
Why is it just for them
What have I done wrong
Being punished like this
There is no greater pain
The only hope I have left
Is for you to take it all away
We all need something
A goal to achieve
A level to reach
A reason to be
A destiny is what we have
But can we choose to accepted
Are we ready to deal
Knowing we might fail
But if we do mess up
Was it part of a plan
Did we do what we could
Not having a choice
Or did we decide
But decisions have consequences
If what we did wasn't right
What happens then
But without choice
Nothing we do is wrong
It happened for a reason
And could not go any other way
So why do we insist to believe
That we are truly free
I'm wandering, on a cold and lonesome road
My destination, anywhere but home
This world has a lot to show
When you have nowhere to go
Some people have a lot to tell you
If you open up and let them know you
You can learn how to bake a bread
Or they can help you clear your head
Show you things that you did not see
Or tell you there is a place to be
So you end up back on the road again
My goal, just to find you, but until then
My thoughts are with you and me
In eager anticipation of the day we meet
Just one thing in my life to do
To find you, and your pretty eyes of blue
A feeling has started to grow deep inside
How good do I know myself and why do I hide
Why avoid the pain you get anyway
Why pretend nothing's wrong day after day
Why try holding your own
Why not fight till the truth is shown
Why am I always the target for pain
Why not just put a hole in my brain
Suffering is what I can do in hell
Why hurt me in this fleshy shell
Feelings can be pushed aside
Emotions are easy to hide
So why play defense when you know you can win
Or is the price you have to pay the ultimate sin
Or is it a tool to show you what I can
Are you training me to be a mystery man
Turning me into something I could be
The ultimate strongest version of me
As I wake up everyday
I hope you come take my pain away
Being alone these cold and sleepless nights
Life without you is a horrible fright
My dreams have always one thing to say
Telling me to find you to take the emptiness away
The hole in my soul, is driving me mad
Making me do things I can't regret
Sometimes I feel the need to cry
But then something deep inside
Forces me to fight these fears
And burns away all the falling tears
Tormented by this horrible sight
I search for you with all my might
Although finding you is so very hard
Heaven and hell can't keep us apart
Until then I walk these abandon streets
Waiting for the time we meet
Tears on my shoulder,
they are wide awake.
When they come from my eyes, spreading among my face.
I won't let it stop: because they are worries
Worries about myself, and my personality.
Myself is everything, when I die.
I just wonder if angels would cry.
I want to see myself in front of my eyes.
Without a mirror, that's my wish before I die.
Written by *Spiritual*
StrawberryScars on my
Hurting myself so I won't hurt you.
You must be thankfull.
Written by *Dramaqueen*
What are we doing here
Nothing we do is good
Everything is cold and dark
We can't live this life
We don't belong here
So what are we doing here
Written by *Dramaqueen*
Dead is not the real
The word is better
You still alive
But your body feels so ill
Away from this world
You've self made this choose
You would not be here with me
You better when I am dead
But if you read this letter
Please be sad!
Senna, did you know that
God put angels on this earth?
the world is full of sin and these angels have to clean the dirt.
you probably didn't notice
cuz you were always to focus
you are an angel, a saint
your deeds will never faint.
you did alot 4 the peoples and you didn't even know
you did alot 4 me cuz you made my dream grow.
and you make my heart glow.
you and me are the same
we both don't want the fame
we just want to achiev and like to see how they wright our victories in
itz just in our blood itz our instinct
everytime I saw you in that car driving
everyone was driving you were different you were flying.
I'm trying to find your footsteps in the sand
itz hard to find them and I will, this will never end
cuz I finally understand YOU and RACING
and what you were facing.
I'm done with collecting my things
I finally found my wings
now I have my eyes closed leaning against the wall, i'm done
now there is only one thing to do to be nr one.
Senna, I will never forget you, your death is tragic
but you know what? we will never forget that you were MAGIC.